do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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