only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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