let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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