OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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