Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
