that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
