Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
