happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
