I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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