Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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