I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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