Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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