how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
