did you get engaged???
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
