just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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