it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
