Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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