I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
