names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
