I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
