Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
