There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
