Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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