census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
