Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
