I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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