My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
