One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
