her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
