you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
