I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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