Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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