He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
