So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
