I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
