Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
