i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
