So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
