stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
