If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
