His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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