Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
