I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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