When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
