I'm sorry my penis didn't work
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
