The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
