So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
