im about as happy as oj after his trial
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
