I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
