hotel room ftw
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
