I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
